In Matthew 7:12 Jesus teaches us to "...do to others as you would have them do to you."  The Jewish Torah, prophet Mohammed, Confucius and even Homer's ancient manuscripts share similar advice.

But what did Jesus mean when he said it, since his version is possibly the most widely quoted?

Consider Jane and Sally.  Jane wants to close a sale.  She goes to Sally in technical services and tells her what the client wants so Jane can close the sale. She hopes Sally will agree to all of the client's requests, but instead Sally is quiet.  After about 30 seconds Jane, not knowing what to do, walks away frustrated.  She says under her breath that she will never be able to make any money in this company;  Sally and everyone else hate her;  and she does not know why she puts up with all this garbage anyway because she could have...

A coach who works with leaders in the company is asked to help out.  She meets with Jane and Sally separately, and then together.  The coach explains that Jane is a driven person who wants answers immediately.  In the situation where Jane asked Sally for help with the client's requests Sally was not being rude.  She was just thinking.  She has the opposite behavioral style of Jane. Sally is an analytical.  Jane makes decisions quickly whereas Sally likes to think about it first.

Jane has an inspiration.  She decides to work with Sally based on the way Sally wants to be treated rather than expecting her to prefer Jane's behaviors.  She now goes to Sally to explain a client's request and then says, "I'll come back in ten minutes."  Then Jane turns and walks away.

The result:  Sally and Jane are not only more productive on the job, they also have become personal friends.

The Golden Rule, which is a paraphrase of Jesus' teaching, states that we should treat others the way we want to be treated.  However do you want to be "treated" based on your preferences, or the person who is trying to engage you?  The answer is, your preferences. 

So the next time you try to work with someone, communicate something or interact in some other way, consider the true meaning of the Golden Rule:  Treat others the way they want to be treated.  (Some people call this the Platinum Rule.)

Be an intentional leader...not a counterfeit!

MEETING IDEAS

GOLD OR PLATINUM is about thinking before you act.  Think first of the other person's preferences and then engage them based on that understanding rather than your natural behaviors.

Here are some ideas on how to discuss this with your team:

1.  Ask people to guess the natural strengths, or core behavior, of each other person in the room. The four types of natural strengths as exhibited by your behaviors are:

HIGH D:  Dominance -  How you handle problems and challenges

         Tend to be very active and aggressive in gaining results.  Not afraid of problems, but often miss details.

HIGH I:  Influencing - How you interact with other people

         Tend to be extroverted, outgoing, social, very verbally persuasive.

HIGH S:  Steadiness - How you handle pace and work environment

         Tend to prefer a more secure situation evidenced by a structured, predictable environment.

HIGH C:  Compliance - How you respond to rules and procedures set by others

         Very analytical and precise.  Tend to follow rules and avoid mistakes, but can suffer from "analysis paralysis."

2.  Ask for stories of when someone treated someone else based on that person's behavioral preferences rather than their own.

3.  Ask everyone to try to pause before approaching someone during the next week to consider their behavioral preference and then to approach them the way they want to be treated. Report back at the next meeting.