Confrontation

"There is a time to confront someone and a time to be nice.  May God grant us the wisdom to know the difference and the courage to do what is right."

Too often confrontation is handled one extreme way or another:  It is avoided, or you confront someone too quickly, emotionally and/or unprofessionally.  I suggest you find a balance.

Confrontation is beneficial when it is:

1.  Thought out carefully in advance

2.  Based on facts, not emotions or your personal bias

3.  Measured against clear standards of performance that were communicated in-writing prior to the event(s) in question

4.  Communicated calmly, and first verbally, without insulting language.  Avoid writing flaming emails because they reflect more negatively on you as a leader than the recipient.  (Written confrontation is necessary when the situation is or may become a legal issue.  At that point it is even more important to be careful what you say.)

5.  Focused on being encouraging through a process of acknowledging the mistake, learning from it and motivating all parties to move forward with a well-thought out solution as a mutually respectful, co-dependent team.

Taking the time to be nice is beneficial when you:

1.  Recognize the issue is minor and can be corrected in an encouraging manner

2.  Take the time to help someone understand a better way to accomplish a task

3.  Notice someone doing something well and you sincerely compliment them

4.  Reinforce a company value or policy in a positive yet firm manner, and

5.  Help people see how they are exaggerating a problem beyond its actual significance

My hope is that you behave like an Intentional Leader who does not jump to conclusions based on assumptions, but takes the time to discern whether the situation requires respectful, professional confrontation or it is a time to be nice.

MEETING IDEAS

Too often the path to CONFRONTATION is one extreme or the other:  It is avoided or explodes.  Here are some ideas on how to discuss confrontation with your team, or to reflect on your own about how you handle confrontation:

1.  Think back to the last time you confronted someone.  If you wrote the confrontation, then read your correspondence.  Does it meet these standards:

 -  Was it respectful?

  -  Did you call anyone names?

  -  Did you take full responsibility for your mistake(s)?

  -  Was it emotional?

  -  Was the majority of the document focused on resolution, complaining or retaliation?

2.  When you confronted or were nice to someone, did you communicate to them based on their preferred communication style, or your own?  (It should be their style.)

3.  What steps could you take to more effectively gauge whether to confront someone, and when you do, to confront them in a more professional manner that moves everyone involved beyond the situation to a more positive outcome?